I’m proud to announce that the Appraiser and I have another baby on the way from the same donor. Yay, we pulled off another miracle! So naturally, our donor has been on our minds lately. We’ve been feeling grateful and a bit more curious. We thought it was time to see who else he might have made, you know, in the hopes of getting to know him a little bit better. And this week we finally did it. Made first contact with The Others– officially registered on the national Donor Sibling Registry to find other babies/siblings born from our sperm donor.
We expected no response, or not a timely one. But like the high tech nature of the Cryobank itself, The Others came to us in a cyber second. Seems our donor was a big success, an equal opportunity gender maker: There are two little boys and two little girls out there all within a three year age window, including our daughter.
This discovery has been exciting and terrifying. Like a wild ride that seriously may not have an end. Within hours of emerging from the safety of the rock we’ve been hiding under, we’re getting baby jpegs, funny toddler stories, and comparing ears.
It feels so wrong to criticize or freak out when we opened the door. The other families have graciously invited us to be part of one big extended family — a family who, by the way, SKYPES, updates regularly on FACEBOOK, and has gone on vacation to Florida together!
In their defense, the Others have all had two and a half years to wrap their heads around each other’s existence, and we just got on this cruise. I don’t have my sea legs, and I’m feeling a bit nauseated.
I expect my seasickness will subside, if I can adjust my need to be mainstream and just accept the fact that we made an alternative family which might require an alternative acceptance. Plus, secrets are bad. Really destructive. And we want to be open with our kid about her bio/man-in-a-can/father whenever she eventually learns to speak and asks the burning question. So whether our kid comes to see The Others as half siblings or some distant cousins, and here comes the Sesame Street logline– if we help her connect with other children who were created via alternative insemination, she might understand that she is not the “only one,” which could make a big difference in how she feels about herself and her family.
Still, lessons aside, I’ve got to say, this is the weirdest club I have ever been a member of…